I have been thinking and noticing a lot lately that I really don't have that much control over well....anything. But mostly over what Logan is exposed to when I am not around. I am completely terrified for him to grow up and see the world as it really is. I feel desperate sometimes not knowing how to protect him from harm, and from all the crazy things that the world has come up with. I want to be able to control every situation he is in and make sure he is always safe. I have been consumed with thoughts about this for the past 2 weeks. During my very first conversation with a new friend, she was talking about her 10 year old step son who lives summers with his non LDS mom. It is so hard for her, and her son. All the changes and all the situations they can't control. I had so much sympathy for the situation-I can't imagine how hard that would be. I asked her how she dealt with it, what did she do? Her answer, "pray, then pray some more." So this sparked the 2 week thought process. Everytime I am alone with Logan I feel myself constantly thinking of how I can keep him on the straight and narrow. Until the last couple weeks I thought I had to do it alone. Although I am still terrified for him to grow up, I feel much better knowing that I am not alone. That Logan is not alone. That we are all in the hands of our Father in Heaven.
So, we were playing play doh yesterday and I was actually thinking about this while we were rolling out all of our dough and cutting them with our special cookie cutters. And the song came to me, "he's got the whole world in his hands" I started humming it while we were cutting and then I noticed this.
We had cut the purple hand quite a bit earlier and Logan had cut out a small circle. I didn't notice, but he had mixed the 2 greens before, and accidently made a perfect little world. I am really grateful that I don't have to do this whole parenting thing alone. Because the older Logan gets, the more I realize I don't have all the answers. Just feeling grateful, that's all.
