So lucky!

I know you hear about how one moment can alter the way you think about life. Until now, I had never experienced a moment that changed my way of thinking. Changed my attitude, changed my perspective. Most of you have heard this story, but I still wanted to share my sweet Dylan.

2 weeks ago I was making pancakes for breakfast at 7:30. Logan was still asleep and Dylan was sitting in her high chair right next to me. She was watching me cook and was very hungry and impatient. So I gave her some dry cereal to munch on while she waited. Cereal that she had eaten lots of times before. She started to choke so I quickly pulled her out of the high chair (which I do often because she gags on everything.) Usually by the time she is out of the high chair she is breathing and done, but not this time. She quit breathing all together. I did a finger sweep and couldn't feel anything...so I did a deep finger sweep and still nothing. She was panicking. Her eyes were wide open and scared, and her face was turning purple. She was making the motions to try to breathe and nothing was happening. I was standing in the middle of the kitchen floor and flipped her over onto my knee and started doing the baby Heimlich Maneuver. I was so scared...trying so hard not to panic. I grabbed my house phone and dialed 911. I ran into the living room and sat on the couch, trying to get a better position for the Heimlich. I was hitting this tiny 13 month old baby in between her shoulder blades and nothing was happening. I remember thinking, "I don't care if I break her ribs, or her back, as long as she breathes." It didn't matter to me if she was paralyzed as long as she started to breathe, as long as she lived. I was so scared. By this point, the man on the other end of the phone had dispatched the ambulance. He was beginning to get Dylan's information so he could help me out. I felt so helpless. I knew if I couldn't get her to breathe before the ambulance came that she probably wouldn't make it. Nothing was happening, I had and was doing everything I knew how to save her. I started panicking for real and started to cry when I told the man that she was 1. She was going limp and had quit fighting me. I just kept doing the only thing I knew to do. Hitting her over and over between the shoulder blades, praying and begging in my heart that she would breathe. Then miraculously, she started wheezing. Only a little bit of air, but it was air. I quickly picked her up from off my knee and started screaming into the phone, "she is getting air in, she is getting air in." Then she started to scream. I started sobbing. Big sobs. My whole body was shaking from the adrenaline. "She is breathing! That is her screaming, she is breathing. I think she is okay." "Ma'am, do you still want the ambulance to come?" All the sudden I came back to reality. "Do you think I need them to come?" I had no idea because she was breathing, and I didn't know protocol on these kinds of things. We decided that she was okay because she had quit crying and was already down on the floor walking away, onto the next thing. As if nothing had ever happened. He called off the ambulance and that was it. Little Dylan, breathing. For 2 minutes I held her life in my hands. A life I had no idea was so fragile. I watched her face the rest of the day. I couldn't quit crying for a long time, and lost it every time I looked into her eyes. So full of life. So curious and innocent. So beautiful. I still can't look into her eyes without being overwhelmed at the life I see in her face. The sparkle that I am so glad is still there. I am so grateful that she is okay. So grateful that she is my baby, and I get the chance to watch her grow. I will never be the same. I hear her screaming or fussing now, and I find myself thinking that it is a beautiful cry. I can take on her strong personality much easier and with much more patience. I pray that I never have to see another one of my children like that ever again. And I pray that I will never forget how fragile life really is, and how lucky I am to be a mom, no matter the circumstances.